Tuesday 1 July 2014

hi.

"hi seems easy.
hi is everything.
It is how everything starts."

Dear diary, 

I'm as confused as him. Overthink over unnecessary things are useless and unhealthy. I live with it everyday so I do believe I've a slight side of depression. My eyes can't be controlled. It's like a fcking dam when it's full it just flood like its monsoon. I've no idea why.. Feeling sick of swollen eyes when I wake up, sick of feeling aggressive over little things, sick of keeping in, sick of everyone (but I know I still love them). See? This is my fcking problem. I want and need it to stop before one day I do get depression and die with everything inside of me. Please.

J.

Saturday 22 February 2014

lost somewhere.

dear diary,

I'm here and it's been awhile. I'm back in nz and I have no idea what is wrong with me. I just feel lost and maybe a little bit sad? The thing is I don't even know what am i really feeling. I'm glad that I have him by my side most of the time, I'm glad he is willing to spend more than 400 days with me, I'm glad I have him... However whenever I'm at home or alone out there I feel like I have no one else. It's like I'm just another person walking pass down the street like how I see any other strangers with no one beside them. I have really low self-esteem and to be honest I have more confident than before like way more.. Thing is I think he has changed me to a better person and I'm too attached which is like it's a good or a bad thing? I have no idea what is wrong with me. I'm feeling so lonely and I have no idea who to talk to, as if I have nobody that can talk to. like when I'm sad I have no one else. I'm just sitting on my bed typing all my feelings out it's like the old times again.
I'm lost and I need to be better than this.

someone please exists and spend your time with me.
J.