Before happiness ends.

Dear diary,
Is the last Thursday night to spend with u without any worries and stress from studies. Holiday is coming to an ending and no I'm not ready for anything. The new year came just like that, the v day past just like that and the cny just gone like that... Now the holiday is coming to this end without any alert other than the fact that uni is actually coming ahead. Cannot believe it and I am not ready for it at all. Uni. Another new life to spend in the new environment it somehow remind me of the last time I first came to nz for college. Worries and stressful over the little stuff.
Diary, I didn't over think today maybe because the friends are around and I enjoy it somehow although I didn't talk to them at all. It was just relaxing listening to them and realize... "Hey, this is what it means when you feel what people around you feel like." Party tomorrow and I can't wait to see boyfriend again. Didn't talk much to him but those touching n stuff just aaaaaa. <3 tomorrow will be better. :) before the enjoyment and happiness without stress is gone.

J.

A lot.

Dear diary,
I'm back from Msia yesterday and I realize life is so hard when you have no money from that trip. From wanting health, better life and less worries are to be dine by money. So I got back and boyfriend went to the beach day out with the bunch and the twins along. Well, to be honest I wanted to go but I feel weird n bad about myself since last night dinner. I really did gained a lot of weigh but hey saying a person fat wouldn't entertain anyone else better. The movie night... Wasn't being invited by the host so yea... Anyway, got to meet him yesterday and sort of did hug I should say. :) until today the day out until the movie and now his battery is dead; I realize how much I miss him. I miss his hugs, his breath, his talks and just everything. I love him and I really do but I've a feeling everytime I look at Bea's photo. Why me? Why not her and does he really love me as much as I do? Been a month now we didn't actually meet up and be together. I miss every date that we had. I miss that boy.

J.

Just another day.

Dear diary,
It's been almost two weeks since I got back I don't feel any better. Like yesterday... Hang out with the sis's friends and I was totally alright at first until hh said you should follow your friends. Then I realize what I thought wasn't always right. Sometimes you just gotta pull back some old friends together act like you're really well. Lets just say I've never been this depressed in my life. I hardly can find anyone to talk to as in share whatever I want. I really don't have friends. Every time I thought I will be alright things never work out. Last time was high expectation this time no expectations at all just the thoughts are some comments from the others. I don't mind people saying I don't have any friends because I know is the truth I just wanted to let them know I'm not begging them to be my friends. Why please when you can do it yourself?
Anyway, it is still v day and for the first v day I've my valentine but he's not around. He wrote me a *letter* and I've no idea how to react or reply. I mean I'm glad and he made me fall into him more than more but I feel bad. He said he doesn't mind how my appearance is but hey. there's no guys would rather date a girl who's fat and dumb. I feel bad for being his girlfriend if he opens up this relationship. I love him from the bottom of my heart but I'm scare.
- I am not cheesy enough, not pretty enough, not smart enough, not friendly enough, not helpful enough and just not enough. Nobody's perfect but hey no one wants a person who has so many weird habits.

Happy valentines day, diary.
Is just another day I spend with my blog and wishing someone will come around.

J.